She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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