you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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