the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
