ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
