This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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