The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There r osticjed everywhere
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
