how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
