I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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