I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
