It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
