We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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