On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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