a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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