I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
