we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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