you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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