FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
