just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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