You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
