Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
