Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
