It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
