dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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