Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
