The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I fill condoms, not promises.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
