You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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