but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize