I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
