Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
