god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
