If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
