i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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