grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No subtext here. People are naked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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