I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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