take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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