Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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