I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
