I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
