Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
