k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
