last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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