dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont even know how to be here
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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