I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
