You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
