omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
