bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
