hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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