I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
