____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize