One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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