the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
3 2 1 whiskey
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
