I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
