i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So many bounce houses so little time
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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