He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
