Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
