1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize