I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
