I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
