I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
4 words: hood of his car
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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