this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
