what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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