we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
