he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
