All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
