I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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