just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
