Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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