i may or may not be watching the land before time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
