Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
