First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
