Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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