I'm eating all of the evidence.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
