Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
