i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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